In the (Dog) House with Lilly P.

Hello. My name is Lilly Pulitzer Mason. Here I am below with my mother, looking adorable as always. I never leave home without my eyeliner.

Mama and I

  Anyway, I really have better things to do such as lying on Mama's bed, sniffing my behind, barking at people that walk by Mama's door (little bitches) and dreaming about starting a doggy line at the Lilly Pulitzer store. Mama said too many other humans were pissing her off today, so she asked me to write her blog post. She didn't want to sound disgruntled.

      I have an issue with this blog since along with all the other crap my mom signs up for, it takes away from my time lying on her stomach, refusing to move. I also dislike that she addresses her readers as "nuggets". Nugget is the name of my sister from another mister and she is a cat. A cat that tries to ride me like a damn horse. I am not a horse.

       Living with Mama is fun, most of the time. She sings all the time and talks to Nugget and I constantly. Mama likes sad songs from something called Les Mis. If I hear "On My Own" one more time, Nugget and I may need to find a new home. Just kidding...mom would play a kick ass Eponine.

 Mama also really likes TV. Sometimes she will sit in front of this machine I'm on right now and watch and watch and watch. She gets up only to eat (Mama tries not to miss meals, because she gets hangry (hungry + angry) and loves to eat almost as much as I do) and pee. Mom definitely pees more than I do. I always feel bad when I have to pee because Mama hates going outside or downstairs. This is because she has to put a bra or pants on. She hates pants, unless they are black and stretchy. This is so Mama can eat more and feel less bloated. 

Ever since Nugget stopped shi***** on the floor, life here has been pretty awesome. Besides her aversion to the great outdoors, Mama and I are soul sisters. I frankly, am very lazy too. Mama randomly will take me on long walks when she feels like she ate too much. Walks are fun for about a second until we both get tired and start panting.

     Mama is a very good dresser and so am I. When she has to go out and see other humans, she gets fancy. I am a fancy pants and a stellar dresser as well, so its nice we share that. Mom is also entertaining. She always falls, runs into and breaks things. So does Nugget. Life here is like watching a circus. The only thing that is irritating me about Mama lately is she is on this computer ALL THE TIME. She isn't watching TV. She is typing and reading. She keeps talking about this thing called school and how much she has to do for it and I think its crap. I am her number 1 priority.

It was nice writing for my mom today, maybe I will do it sometime soon. I run shi* here, if you haven't noticed. 

What are you looking at?