Monday, March 25, 2013

The beginning:

I am new at this hipster blogging stuff so bare with me here. Even though we were supposed to do New Year's resolutions about four months ago, I made mine like yesterday. I want live "well". Living well is an extremely lofty goal to me because it doesn't just mean I go to the gym every day or only eat foods with 3% calories from fat (name that movie!?). It means living well physically, emotionally and spiritually. I think for the past couple of years I have been living "half-well" and that just isn't cutting it.
       Today marked the beginning of my journey to become emotionally well. In grad school to get my MSW (Masters in Social Work for those that actually make $$$ at their occupation) they constantly told us that "to be good therapists you have to see a therapist". I poo pooed such advice over and over again stating that I was "too busy" or "not crazy enough" to see one. Last year I went to a fellow MSW for counseling. I would call her more of a life coach since she seemed quite interested in my "shakras" and what essential oils would calm me down the most. God love her, she was a trip. Unfortunately, deep down I knew that I was not really improving my emotional state discussing how to become a licensed yoga instructor and how I should never live on west side of town because it "sucks you in". 
       After having my voice teacher notice that I cannot relax my shoulders and jaw muscles unless consciously thinking about it,  a few crying fits and getting up in the middle of the night to write lists of crap I had to do the next day even though I had already written the list 2-3 times, I figured it was time to let my friend who I payed a $50 copay to, go. I need a therapist was going to help me on my journey, help me make it through the hard stuff of life without shutting down completely. I feel like this was kind of a mature realization that I didn't need another friend...I needed someone that did not expect me to give anything to her (except a hefty fee, the badasses in the mental health field rarely take insurance..) and was only there to help ME. 
       So today at 3:30 PM I found myself in a hella nice office that was clear of any personality and very neutrally toned. Browns, beiges and soft off whites really do have a calming affect. I will call this psychologist, doctor uh P. Dr. P. Dr. P was extremely sweet and shook her head at every thing I said to make sure I knew she was listening. She also did this thing where she looked up and really thought about what I had just said. Homegirl's got skills. She has probably heard the "My mom calls me fat sometimes and her nagging has made me want to be a perfectionist in all facets of my life" crap a million times, but her expression and mannerisms made it seem like this was the first time she has heard these words. She then asked me a question, "Meredith, how anxious are you now?" Wow. Threw me off there a little Dr. P. "Uhhh, uh, um I mean, 6-7?" This lady had met me for like 20 minutes and could tell I was as wound up as a top. 

        So that was pretty much the most eventful thing that occurred in today's first real therapy session. I didn't need the tissues perfectly perched on the neutral beige coffee table by my seat and I did not make some amazing self-discovery. I didn't learn the secret to living well across all the parts of my life. But I felt like someone kind of got me today. That never hurts:)

Well I am out. Real Housewives of BH Finale PLUS one hour of the Reunion special is on tonight. xoxox- MERica.

ps. Not all these blogs are going to be about therapy, but about wellness. So if you don't like psychobabble...you may still be interested. 

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Thanks so much for commenting! I read every one! Stay well and xoxo, Mer In America